2021 - A Lost Year

Here we are at the end of another year. 

2021 had passed by in the blink of an eye. I certainly didn't have time to reflect on the year that was - the wins, hits and misses. 

(1) Resurrected my writing stint with Herald (July 2021)

I used to work as a full-time journalist with Herald circa 2001, but left after 1.5 years to join the corporate sector.

Now that a close friend has been appointed as the Editor in July, she had asked me to help with the reporting, which I gladly accepted. 

In November, I began a monthly column in Herald titled, 'Faithfully Speaking'. God only knows how long I'll be able to sustain the column, but as the Bible says, nothing is impossible for God.

(2) Commenced postgraduate studies (July 2021)

A prelate said in his sermon that the pandemic lockdown is a time of grace which has been given to us, and that we should make good use of this time which we will not get back again. 

After listening to that sermon, and motivated by my circumstances of working from home (indefinitely), I decided to invest in myself by enrolling in a long-distance MBA programme. 

The assessment for each module comprises of 70% assignment and 30% written examination, the latter being a 24-hour open book examination. As a person who dislike exams (read my challenges to obtain the Chartered Banker qualifications in item No. 5 below), this long distance MBA programme is ideal for me. However, since it is not an in-person MBA programme, I don't get the full impact and experience of discussing case studies with fellow course mates.  

(3) Completed two doses of vaccine on 4 August 2021 

I wanted to be one of the last few in the country to take the vaccine so that others may take it first. However, since our turn to take the vaccine is determined by the MySejahtera app, I decided to go with the flow.

I wanted to get Pfizer vaccine because I was under the impression that it is widely accepted in many countries, which would make my global gallivanting easier once international borders reopened. Thanks to an acquaintance who has a wide network of connections, I was able to get the vaccine. 

After the first jab, I suffered excruciating back pain that I could not get up whenever I laid down. I had to hold onto the sides and with a deep breath pull myself up. Getting up from bed takes a couple of minutes each morning. My menstrual cycle also became haywire, now early by 5 days each month. I suffered breakouts between my jawline and the bottom of my face. With all these complications I decided not to take the booster shot.

(4) Completed Chartered Banker Diploma (September 2021)

The journey from Professional Banker to Chartered Banker was a long and arduous journey. I certainly wouldn't want to do this again. 

Update: I recorded my experience of studying for the Chartered Banker Diploma and posted it on my LinkedIn in August 2022:

"I received my Chartered Banker ("CB") qualification in June 2022. It was a long journey that thought me the importance of staying focus, changing tactics and not giving up. In order to receive the the CB qualification, candidates had to complete three modules which includes a compulsory, 'Professionalism, Ethics & Regulation' ("PER") module. Having completed two modules, PER was the final one that I had to complete in order to become a CB. Unfortunately I had sat for the exam thrice but did not make it. I was always short of 2 or 3 marks to pass. After the third unsuccessful attempt, I had to change tactics, because insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Since the PER module consists of 70% written examination and 30% assignment, I decided to redo my assignment. The decision paid off because my assignment scored higher marks than the initial one, and I finally pulled through the PER module! The three takeaways from this experience are: 1) Stay focused. It is easy to lose focus on our goals especially after failures and disappointments. But we need to keep our eye on the prize and don't let other distractions lure us away from our goal. 2) Change tactics. If what you have been doing is not bearing the results that you desire, perhaps it is time to reflect on what you have been doing wrong and make changes. 3) Don't give up. Few of my colleagues gave up pursuing the CB qualification after failing one module. They were afraid they will continue failing. Some of them lost interest along the way. If you are thinking of throwing in the towel, think instead of the satisfaction of success if you had trudged on and hadn't given up. Good luck!"

(5) Appeared on Conversation Hour (October 2021)

I accepted the invitation to appear on Conversation Hour because a BEC member had asked me.  

Conversation Hour is a weekly talk-show on Facebook where guests from different backgrounds are invited to share their reflection on pre-determined Bible verses. The topic that I shared about was on the parable of the talents (Matthew 25: 14 - 30).

It was the first time appearing on a live talk show. The one thing I learnt from the experience is the importance of preparation. It is crucial to prepare talking points and rehearse your heart out.

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Now that we are on the onset of another new year, I pray and hope that we will always be healthy in body, mind and soul. And that our economy and livelihoods will improve.

Chasing Nouwen's Rembrandt in St Petersburg, Russia

I first came to know about the book, The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming by Henri Nouwen in June 2001 at a seminar in church. I must have been drawn to its cover and purchased it almost immediately.

The book essentially captures Nouwen's reflections on a painting by renowned Dutch artist, Rembrandt (1606 - 1669) titled, The Return of the Prodigal Son. As the name suggests, the painting is Rembrandt's interpretation of the parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15: 11 - 32).

There were three parts in Nouwen's book that grabbed my attention: 

From Chapter 7: “The true centre of Rembrandt’s painting is in the hands of the father. On them all the light is concentrated; on them the eyes of the bystanders are focused; in them mercy becomes flesh; upon them forgiveness, reconciliation, and healing come together, and through them, not only the tired son, but also the worn-out father find their rest.” 

From Chapter 8: “It all began with the hands. The two are quite different. The father’s left hand touching the son’s shoulder is strong and muscular. The fingers are spread out and cover a large part of the prodigal son’s shoulder and back. I can see a certain pressure, especially in the thumb. That hand seems not only to touch, but, with its strength, also to hold. Even though there is a gentleness in the way the father’s left hand touches his son, it is not without a firm grip." 

From Chapter 8: “How different is the father’s right hand! This hand does not hold or grasp. It is refined, soft, and very tender. The fingers are close to each other and they have an elegant quality. It lies gently upon the son’s shoulder. It wants to caress, to stroke, and to offer consolation and comfort. It is a mother’s hand.” 

Nouwen’s reflections on Rembrandt’s masterpiece added a new dimension to my understanding of the parable of the prodigal son. 

I made a mental note to look for the painting so that I can physically marvel at these observations that Nouwen had meticulously reflected on. I learnt that the painting is displayed at the State Hermitage Museum in Saint Petersburg, Russia. In 2001, the dream seemed out of reach for me who lived 8,670km away. 

Fast forward to September 2018 and I was planning a trip to the Baltics and Poland. My return flight was from Kuala Lumpur to Helsinki after which I would travel south towards the capital cities of the Baltic nations – Tallinn, Riga and Vilnius; and onwards to Warsaw and Krakow in Poland. 

While researching for the trip, I discovered that there was a free entry visa for travelers who enters Saint Petersburg by cruise ship or ferry. 

I also discovered that Moby SPL Limited operates regular ferry services from Helsinki to Saint Petersburg. 

That was a fantastic opportunity to organize a trip from Helsinki to Saint Petersburg before flying back to Kuala Lumpur. My quest to look for Rembrandt’s Return of the Prodigal Son was alive. 

I arrived at Saint Petersburg with a carefully planned itinerary. Since I had less than 48 hours (due to the free entry visa), I could only experience selected activities like search for beautiful underground metro stations:

... watch a ballet performance titled, Le Corsaire at the Mariinsky Theatre:

... attend Sunday Mass at St Catherine’s Roman Catholic Church:

... and visit attractions such as Church of the Saviour on Spilled Blood:

The entire ceiling and all walls of the Church of the Saviour on Spilled Blood were covered in art.

... Kazan Cathedral: 

I've not been to St Peter's Basilica in Vatican City, so Kazan Cathedral is by far the biggest Christian house of worship I've been to. 

and the Hermitage State Museum, or Hermitage, as it is popularly known as:

After getting off the ferry and checking into my hostel, I was already tired, but mustered enough energy to walk to the Hermitage. 

After purchasing an entrance ticket, I picked up a museum guide and made my way into the building. 

This statue of three girls caught my attention when I entered the Hermitage.

The first thing I did was to find my bearings and locate where the main exhibits were, especially Rembrandt’s Return of the Prodigal Son. 

After wandering from room to room, from exhibit to exhibit, fatigue began to set in. The lack of clear and sufficient signages at the Hermitage didn’t help either. Information in the museum guide started becoming fuzzy. 

Soon I came to the end of the building. Thinking that Rembrandt’s masterpiece was in the next building, I exited the building that I was in. 

There was a personnel on duty and I asked her where exactly was Rembrandt’s Return of the Prodigal Son. When she said that the painting was in the building that I had just exited from, I realized that I had made a mistake. I asked whether I could re-enter the museum. She said that tickets are for single entry only, and that I would have to purchase another ticket. On no! I looked at my wrist watch and realized I didn’t have time to go to the main entrance of the Hermitage to do so as the museum was about to close. I was also tired and wanted to rest. 

After mulling over the mistake that I had made, I made a difficult decision to leave the Hermitage without seeing the very painting that I had travelled 8,670km to Saint Petersburg for. I wouldn’t have time to return the next day as I had a packed itinerary. It was a painful decision but I had to learn to let go. 

On the ferry back to Helsinki, I clutched Nouwen’s book and reflected on the lessons learnt from this trip. 

I may have missed an opportunity to stand in awe before Rembrandt’s masterpiece, but perhaps it was God’s way of telling me that it is alright to let go of things that are not meant to be, or beyond my control. Anyway, this is an excuse to re-visit Saint Petersburg and discover more experiences (and lessons) that the magnificent city has to offer.