My First Ever Hari Raya Aidilfitri Card

Eventhough I don't celebrate Hari Raya Aidilfitri, I received my first ever Aidilfitri card from Hotel Singahsana recently, and it made my day. Would you feel elated to receive a card for a festival you do not celebrate?

This Raya I'll be snoring away in my mum's place, surfing the net, watching lots of telly and researching for a few writing projects. Oh yeah, I also need to attend an old friend's wedding dinner on Sunday.

To all my Muslim friends - Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, Maaf Zahir & Batin. Drive carefully wherever you are and go slow on the grub!

Chinese Using Fingers to Eat

This photo was damn susah to take, ok ... must juggle camera with left hand while eating with right hand.

Whenever a Chinese eats with her fingers in public, you can be sure of getting many stares and comments.

The Malays and Indians will usually be impressed and encouraging, whilst the Chinese will usually give negative comments which pisses me off. Here are a few recent incidences when I used my fingers to eat:

1) I was using my fingers to whack rice, thick Indian curry and vegetables at a small shop opposite my office. A few Chinese bitches walked in and when they saw me, they whispered in Cantonese amongst themselves in a digusted tone, "Eee... ah... eating with fingers."

2) I was eating nasi briyani with fingers in my office cubicle. One of my Malay colleague walked pass me looking puzzled. She said she feels awkward seeing a Chinese using fingers to eat because she has never seen any Chinese eating with their fingers before! Apparently I'm the first!

3) At an office dinner, I was eating with my fingers. A Malay collague sitting beside me and using fork and spoon said rather embarassingly, "You Cina pun makan dengan tangan, saya pula guna sudu dan garpu." (Translation: "You're a Chinese but you eat with your fingers. I'm a Malay but yet I eat using fork and spoon")

Isn't it a shame there are many Malaysian Chinese who are not open towards other cultures? What is so wrong about using your fingers to eat, even if it's not part of your own culture?

Living in a multicultural and multiracial country like Malaysia, these close minded Malaysian Chinese needs to learn to experience the culture of their fellow Malaysians.  

In fact, wouldn't it be an advantage being able to eat using all possible ways - fork & spoon, fork & knife, chopsticks and even with the fingers?

I wonder whether the Malays and Indians make nasty comments whenever they see their own kind eat with chopsticks.

Let me tell you a few reasons why I use fingers to eat:

a) My dad was a Peranakan from Malacca and so we all ate with our fingers at home, with the exception of my mum who is pure Chinese. If you want to know the difference between a Peranakan and a Chinese, go Google it. Too long to explain lah.

b) Eating banana leaf rice or any other rice dishes like nasi beriyani, nasi tomato and nasi minyak tastes much better when eaten using fingers ;-)

c) If I use cutlery to eat at home or in the office, I would have to wash 'em after use and I don't want to pollute the waters with the washing liquid. So I'd rather use fingers whenever I can.

So the next time you see a Chinese gal eating with her fingers in public, don't make any negative comments cause the gal could be me, and then my finger prints are gonna end up on your face when I beat the crap out of you.

Batangs in the KTM Komuter Ladies Coach

I was travelling in the KTM Komuter yesterday and noticed many batangs in the Ladies Coach. Some were standing (no pun intended) and some were sitting smugly as if though they owned the Ladies Coach.

We ladies can't do anything but look at them in disgust. Nobody wants to take the risk of getting spat and shouted at if we tell these batangs to change coach. 

One lady passenger commented at the top of her voice: "IF THESE MEN CAN GET INTO THE LADIES COACH, THEY CANNOT BE GENTLEMEN AT ALL!" The guy sitting beside me was fidgeting in his seat when he heard the lady. But he didn't budge.

The only people who can get these uneducated batangs to change coach are the polis bantuan or KTM Komuter employees in uniform.

I've witnessed for myself in KL Sentral when the polis bantuan came on board the Ladies Coach and asked all the batangs to get out. And the batangs moved their asses immediately because they know the polis bantuan will belasah them if they objected.

Sometimes I wonder whether these batangs are unaware of the Ladies Coach, or are they just plain defiant.

Coaches specially for ladies have been implemented in countries like Japan and Egypt. I don't know bout Japan (cause I haven't been there), but when I was in Cairo and used the LRT frequently, I didn't see any batangs in the Ladies Coach at all. I guess the men there are more capable of following simple instructions compared to their Malaysian counterparts.

Of course not all Malaysian men are idiotic batangs who can't follow instructions. I've seen many male commuters who immediately enter the both sexes coaches when the Ladies Coach stops in front of them. Kudos to this group of commuters. To the rest of the batangs, please go for a sex change if you're so eager to sit in the Ladies Coach.

Excuse me, do you have a vagina? Then why are you sitting in the Ladies Coach?

Malaysians Who Know Nothing About Malaysia

Chris was down in KL for a holiday and I brought him to Little Penang Cafe in KLCC for some Malaysian food.

After that we headed to Hard Rock Cafe to meet up with my friend Sue. When we got there Sue was sitting with two other girls whom I've never seen before.

The two girls started asking about Chris - who is he, what's he doing in KL, what he does for a living, etc. I've never seen these pussies before, but at the rate they were interrogating us, I thought they were going to ask how many times I fark Chris in a day.

Then one of the girls who was heavily made up, dressed sexily and looked high maintenance asked where did we go before landing in Hard Rock Cafe.

When I told her I brought Chris to Little Penang Cafe because I wanted him to try some Malaysian food, Ms High Maintenance confidently said I should have brought him to try Nasi Padang cause it's a Malaysian dish.

I couldn't believe my ears!

Looks like under all that exterior, Ms High Maintenance ain't that bright after all. I thought she was a complete bimbo for not knowing her own kind of food. And I hate it when people think they are smart when they are actually airheads.

So I said, "Nasi Padang is from Indonesia lah ..."

And she said, "Oh yeah ..." and then became silent for awhile. Soon she moved towards the bar to rub herself against some guy.

Nasi Padang is authentically Indonesian, bimbo!

After that incident it occured to me that there may be tourists coming to Malaysia and meeting up with their Malaysian friends hoping to learn about the country. But what if their Malaysian friends know next to nuts about the country and provide wrong information to their foreign friends, like that bimbo I met in Hard Rock Cafe.

If Chris had been her friend, he would have gone back to Austria thinking that Nasi Padang is a Malaysian dish!

I have also personally witnessed a tourist asking a Malaysian girl on the Putra LRT which station should he get off if he wants to get to Chinatown. The stupid girl just shrugged her shoulders and the tourist turned away in frustration.

As a person who loves knowledge, I cringe thinking about the blatant ignorance of Malaysians about their own country, and not to mention, at the growing number of bimbos.

Obnoxious People on the LRT and Bus

By the time you read this I'd be on Bunaken Island in North Sulawesi.

And as I snorkel with the rich marine life here, I'll try not to think about the obnoxious people I meet daily in the LRT and bus in KL.

I'm leaving them all behind for 4 glorious days!

1) People who refuse to move further into the LRT or bus. Their action deprives others from getting onto the train/bus. Everytime I encounter people like that, I feel like giving them a tight slap for being so inconsiderate.

2) People who take their own sweet time to get into the LRT. There was once I was rushing to get to work. The Monorail was just pulling into the station when I arrived. After grabbing my card from the turnstile, I made a dash for the train.

By that time the last few passengers were already stepping into the train, and the alarm (which signaled that the door was closing) was already ringing. And there was this girl who was swinging her arse as she slowly got in.

I made a dash and pushed the stupid bitch into the train before the door closed. I got clipped a little by the door but I managed to get to work on time.

3) People who lean against me on the bus. The other day there was this woman who leaned her tummy on my shoulder as I sat in the bus. And her tummy looked like it contained triplets, so imagine the toil it took on my shoulder. Luckily she moved further into the bus soon after that.

Oh yeah, I've also encountered a guy was getting a hard-on using my shoulder. WTF !!!

4) People who sit 'kangkang' (legs wide open). The culprits are usually guys who need ventilation for their 'goods' or they are just being hum-sup (cheeky?) and want to brush their legs against the girl sitting beside them.

5) People who lean against the pole in the LRT or bus where you hang on for dear life. When I encounter jerks like that, I normally squeeze my fingers around the pole and they get the idea and move away.

But there are some who don't; like an incident I saw whilst on the KTM Komuter. A young girl was leaning against a seat, depriving an older lady of hanging onto it. The older lady advised the girl to move so that both of them can hold the seat together. The young girl just stared at her blankly and continued leaning!

So bye-bye obnoxious people, till we meet again ... soon.

Banana at the Salon

Definition of 'Banana' - A person of Chinese descent who can't speak his/her mother's tongue, i.e. Mandarin, Cantonese, Hokkien, Hakka, etc.

I was at the hairdressers on Sunday to trim my fringe. Katy, the hairdresser has known me for donkey years. And knowing that I'm a 'banana', she will speak to me in Bahasa Malaysia whenever I drop by for a trim.

Last Sunday when I dropped by the salon, there were two other Chinese ladies getting their hair permed. Both of them had their hair in curlers and one of them stepped out of the salon to go to her apartment unit which is in the same block. The other one remained in her seat and read a magazine while waiting for her hair to set.

Katy asked me to take a seat and started chatting with me in Bahasa Malaysia, as always.

The Chinese lady who was getting her hair permed immediatly asked Katy in Hokkien why I'm speaking in Bahasa Malaysia, am I a Chinese or not, etc.

All these talk in front of me as if though I'm Invisible Woman got me pissed. I said loudly in Bahasa Malaysia to Katy, "Katy, you beritahu dia, saya paham apa dia cakap." (Translation: "Katy, tell her I understand what she's saying").

The lady was stunned. Katy quickly intervened and told her in Hokkien that I'm a Nyonya and eventhough I can't speak Chinese, I understand what's being said. That shut her up.

After trimming my fringe, the other lady walked in. When she heard Katy and I conversing in Bahasa Malaysia, again she asked Katy in Hokkien why I'm speaking in Bahasa Malaysia, am I a Chinese or not, yadda yadda yadda ... It was like a badly rewound tape recycled from the first lady.

This time I said to Katy loudly and stared at the lady, "Ini lagi satu, fikir saya tak boleh paham." (Translation: "This is another one who thinks I don't understand"). That sentence produced a second stunned lady of the day. I paid Katy and walked out of the salon.

Chinese are Like Cockroaches

One of my friends commented that the Chinese are like cockroaches - you can find us in almost every country in the world.

When I first heard that I was rather offended. Who would want to be associated with roaches, right?

But after much ruminating, I thought that that was a clever piece of thought; and I'll tell you why ...

This is what Wikipedia wrote about cockroaches:

"Cockroaches are among the hardiest insects on the planet, some species capable of remaining active for months without food, or being able to survive on limited resources like the glue from the back of postage stamps. Some can go without air for 45 minutes or slow down their heart rate. It is popularly suggested that cockroaches will 'inherit the earth' if humanity destroys itself in a nuclear war."

Now let me bring the Chinese into comparison with the roaches.

Ever since the beginning of time (I'm exaggerating here), many Chinese left the shores of China in search of a better life in foreign lands. They worked hard to build a new life for themselves and their families. Along the way they met many challenges and hurdles but they persevered.

In other words, put a Chinaman anywhere and he can survive.

If you go to most major cities in the world today, you can find a Chinatown there where the Chinese have made their homes and built businesses. And many of them are leading successful lives blending into the local community but yet maintaining their own identity and culture.

So you see ... the Chinese are like cockroaches - both are hardy and resilient!

Ramadan and Food

During the holy month of Ramadan, Muslims all over the world fast for 30 days and observe various forms of penance.

For me, this is the month where food reigns supreme.

Ramadan is the time when I will make it a point to visit, during lunch, all the eateries which would otherwise be crowded. No jostling and waiting in long queues. And during buka puasa time I refrain from visiting these eateries to make way for those who had been fasting the whole day.

Visiting the Pasar Ramadan for buka puasa delicacies is also a must to satisfy tea time hunger pangs. When I'm back in my hometown during the weekends, my mum would buy lots of kuih muih for tea and even some lauk pauk for dinner.

During the first few days of Ramadan, my colleague was rushing home to buy his buka puasa juadah at the Pasar Ramadan. I asked him why the rush since it was only 5.30pm. He said the food finishes fast because the non-Muslims clear the spread fast.

Yesterday I blew my diet by having nasi briyani for lunch. The seller gave me a larger-than-usual portion because half of his customers are fasting and he needs to clear the food. Another good Ramadan experience ...

My female Muslim friends who are pregnant, sick or having their menses would also seek my help to buy food during lunch. I once bought food for a pregnant colleague and another friend jokingly commented, "Ah ha ... bersubahat ..." (Translation: "Ah ha ... accomplice")

The buka puasa buffet at hotels and even fast food joints are getting more expensive by the year. My favourite is the buka puasa buffet at McDonalds which was a damn good bargain. I don't know if it's on this year because they have it alternate years previously.

There was one year my colleagues and I were invited to a buka puasa buffet at The Marriot Kuala Lumpur. We sat around the table waiting for Azan Maghrib. And when the beduk started, I watched my Muslim friends say their prayer and sipped the sirap water - their first drop of liquid after an entire day of fasting.

After we have tucked into the spread, one of them commented, "What is beautiful about this experience is that all of you non-Muslims waited for Azan Maghrib like the rest of us instead of starting to eat first. And I am touched by it." That was my favourite Ramadan memory.

My Merdeka Wishlist

Malaysia is 51-years-old today. Most people at 51 years of age would have made significant progress in their life - nurtured a family, have a stable job, bought a house and car, matured in thinking and behaviour, etc. However, being imperfect human beings, there will always be areas of improvement no matter how perfect life is.

In the same way, Malaysia has grown from a small agriculture based country to what it is today. Yet, despite all it's success, there'll always be areas for improvement.

As we celebrate Malaysia's 51st Independence Day today, let me share with you some items in my wishlist for a better Malaysia.

1) That all Malaysians will learn the food and culture of other races in Malaysia. Thosai, vadai, ketupat and lemang are common Malaysian food, and not something that can only be found in 5-star hotels. Learn about the food and culture of other races and don't be a katak bawa tempurung.

2) For more courtesy on the road. There's no need to get angry, step on the accelerator or show the finger when someone wants to overtake you. The person could be in an emergency.

3) For more consideration on the trains and buses. There's no harm in moving futher into the train or bus so that your fellow Malaysians can enter too. We all want to reach our destination on time. Oh yeah, pushing and shoving into the train before passengers can get off will only make matters worse.

4) For a more efficient transportation system. Delayed trains and unpunctual buses are something Malaysians have to tolerate everyday and it has gotten on our nerves.

5) That all eligible Malaysians register as voters. No point condemning the Government when you don't even bother to make a difference by exercising your rights as a citizen of the country.

6) That politics in Malaysia will not be based on race or religion, but based on building a nation of justice and peace.

7) That ALL Malaysians will be given equal opportunities.

Happy Independence Day, Malaysia!