Thursday, 28 May 2009

Shy Guys Finish Last

I went out for meals with C a couple of times. There was also a period when he emailed me every morning asking how's work.

C exhibited all the signs of a guy who's interested in a relationship, but I was not sure because he never said anything. He never asked if I'm seeing anyone or if I had a bf.

But common sense tells me that a guy who consistently asks a girl out and emails her every single day is most probably a guy who's interested in becoming more than friends.

One day when we were casually talking about relationships, I seized the opportunity to ask C:

Me: Are you looking for a relationship?

C: Whenever I meet a girl I'll size her up to see if she could be a potential candidate for my clients (C is a headhunter).

With a crappy answer like that, I didn't probe further because I didn't want to embarass him. He came across as a loser for not having the balls to say something.

I decided I'm not going to bother asking again, and that we should just remain acquaintances. A guy with no balls is not worth my time. Moreover he's not my type.

Soon C was in-between jobs and there was no contact for a couple of weeks.

About 2 weeks ago I received a call from a friend asking if I knew any guy to introduce to her colleague's sis-in-law. I immediatly thought of C!

So I sms-ed him and this is how our messages went:

Me: Hi C. How are you? Hey, just out of curiosity, are you interested in looking for a relationship?

C: I am. How about you?

(I think C must have thought I was the one asking and must have been thrilled thinking I was finally making the first move. But to assume that would have made an ass of you and me. So I told C the reason I was asking ...)

Me: A friend of mine is looking for a decent guy to introduce to her colleague's sis-in-law. I immediatly thought of you. Nothing serious, just get to know each other first. Would you be interested?

C: Friend's first, right?

Me: Of course! You don't have to think about buying a ring yet!

C: I'll buy a ring for you lar. Ha ha.

Me: :-)

(This is the part when I thought we'd discuss how to introduce the both of them. But I thought wrong. Read on ...)

C: Sure you got plenty of guys who are willing to buy you a ring, right?

Me: What does that suppose to mean?

C: You surely got many guy friends who are keen on you.

Me: What makes you think that?

C: You are ... blah, blah, blah (a string of compliments).

(My head swelled for like 1 second, and I politely replied: )

Me: Ah yo ... Don't say like that lah ... Thanks, I'm flattered! :-)

C: True mah.

----- Messages ends -----

C must be disappointed that I wanted to introduce him to another girl. All his efforts to hint that he likes me had gone down the drain. I guess that's the reason he probed to see if I had a bf. If I told him I had one, he would be thinking that's the reason I'm not interested in him.

And he thinks that by complimenting me I might finally get the hint.

Before the string of messages, C never asked if I had a bf, did not say he's interested to become more than friends, nor did he compliment me in any way. He just treated me like a friend.

Now when I want to introduce him to another girl, then only want to talk like that.

When I attempted to play matchmaker, C could have said something like:

"I don't want to be introduced to another girl; I want to get to know you better. That's why I asked you out a few times."

But he still didn't have the balls to speak up. So I gave him the girl's email hoping he'd contact her and let things be.

The moral of the story is that if you like a girl, for heavens sake, please tell her!

There's no harm in letting a girl know how you feel. At least things would be clear between the both of you. Don't do things that will make a girl get all confused about your intentions. She can't read your mind.

If the girl rejects you, so what! At least you showed her that you had the balls to tell her how you feel. Who knows, she might feel cherished and might want to explore the relationship further, even if she does not have any feelings for you yet.

But what's worst is that she might think that you're treating her as just a friend. And when she becomes someone else's gf, that's when you'll be banging balls.

I know that confessing your feelings is definitely easier said than done, and not everybody has the guts to do it for fear of rejection. But it has to be done or you might regret it.

So guys, speak up or forever hold your peace.


Raymond Hee said...

U can make the first move Julie!Some guys are shy or maybe bit ego,scared to be turn down or something :-) I reckoned u have the chemistry for him as well else u wouldnt have blog it out.

Julie Lim said...


I blogged about it cause there was nothing else to blog about, hahaha.

It's true that some guys are shy and maybe a bit ego. But girls are too, right?

So why must the girl tell the guy while he can keep his mouth shut? Who is the one with the balls here?

Anyway, if I had liked C I would definitely have told him. But my hati tak tergerak lah.

Raymond Hee said...

hmm....but i thought women these days are very vocal about relationships unlike guys who are more proned to be inside a nutshell.Gone were the days where the man makes every decision,these days women are mostly decision maker in lotsa area. It also depends on one's confidence;some guys r lil' pessimistic hence let the women do the talking instead albeit they might have strong desire for a serious relationship haha.
Not sure, just my perception lah
perhaps, u shud try giving him more hints :-) hope he doesnt read your blog!haha

Salt N Turmeric said...

Julie, im sure if you liked him 'that' way, you would have already made it known to him. The fact that you don't is maybe the reason that he didn't say anything. Most ppl can 'see' or 'feel' if the other person like them in return in that way.

I also think the reason he keeps fishing is because he wants you to give some sort of hint that you like him. *wink*

Julie Lim said...


It's true that there are many girls who tend to be more vocal, independent, and are decision makers for their families. On the other hand, many guys are getting more shy these days.

In my opinion, this reversal of roles, i.e. more vocal girls and more shy guys could be a social problem.

It could be one of the reasons why there are so many single people around. And this is not good for the population growth of a country. Look what's happenning to Singapore.

Julie Lim said...

Salt N' Turmeric,

Spoken like a true woman, hahaha.

You're right! If I had liked him 'that' way, I definitely would have reciprocated.

But I think even if a girl does not reciprocate, the guy should tell her, just to make things clear. If he's too shy to tell face-to-face he could do it via sms or email.

I know of a couple who did not have feelings for each other initially. They got together just to see if love would blossom. Today they are happily married with 3 kids :-)

Anonymous said...

Actually in Singapore, the reason people are single is because men are turned off by vocal girls. And those who are not turned off, normally go for higher class girls, who in turn go for higher class men. Or else they are totally not ready to commit to a relationship. So it's all a vicious cycle.

But truth be told, men are darn confusing. Either they are shy and then withdraw, or else those who have the guts, one minute they can say they like you, then the next they can totally withdraw and avoid you. Sometimes I just throw up my hands in exasperation and feel like screaming to them to make up their minds!

Caffenny Tan said...

Was amused when I read this. True in deed

Julie Lim said...


I think guys who say they like you one minute and then withdraw the next are fickle minded!

Whenever a guy says that he likes you, don't get head over heels in love with him immediatly. Take it with a pinch of salt and see where the relationship goes from there.

Because if the bugger chickens out, at least you won't end up disappointed.

Just my two-cents worth of advice :-)

Julie Lim said...


Thanks for dropping by!

I'm glad you found this entry and all that's been debated about here amusing :-)

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