Tuesday, 24 November 2009

Introducing An Ugly Lover to Your Parents

What happens when it's time to introduce your gf/bf to your parents and your partner happens to be physically ugly?

You would have fallen in love with your gf/bf for one reason or another, and her/his physical attributes might not be one of them. After all, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

But parents think otherwise - they tend to look at physical attraction and not character. Most Chinese parents have a preconceived idea or notion of the perfect daughter/son-in-law:

Criteria for a Daughter-In-Law
Must look like Zhang Ziyi.
Must be able to cook like Martha Stewart.
Must be able to produce children like a dog, prefarably many sons.

Criteria for a Son-In-Law
Must look like Wang Lee Hom.
Must have a bank account the size of Bill Gates.
Must drive at least a Toyota.

I was having lunch with my friend ML and she was telling me about the time when her brother brought his gf (now wife) home to introduce to his parents.

His gf had goofy teeth and after the introduction, his mother (it's always the mother!) started complaining that his gf is not pretty. WTF! Is his mum going to be staring at her goofy teeth during humping time?

It is because of mother-in-laws from hell like these that puts pressure on any girl.

As a woman, cooking skills can be nurtured through practice. Babies can be conceived as long as she is able to (unless she is unable to conceive due to natural causes). But a woman can't change her looks.

She can improve her looks by changing her hairdo, use make-up, lose weight and wear impressive clothes; but these can only go so far. At the end of the day, in her mother-in-law's eyes, it's how sharp her nose is, how big her eyes are, how smooth her skin is, how slim she is and the list goes on.

To those of you who are planning that first introduction, here's my advice to you: Inform your parents prior to the meeting that your partner is ugly. Do this even if your partner is good looking.

By doing this, your parents won't complain when they meet your partner cause they would already be expecting someone ugly. Even if they do complain despite the prior warning, just say, "I had informed you earlier".

If your partner is good looking after all, then it'd be a pleasant surprise for your parents cause they would have been expecting someone ugly.

So you see, it's a win-win situation for everyone.

But whatever it is, tell your partner that your parents love her/him. We don't want to crush their spirits, because being ugly is absolutely none of their fault.

It's a pity that people tend to judge others according to looks and not character. For those who are good looking, the world is at your feet. To those who are not, we'll just have to live with it.


juphelia said...

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Personally, I never have any issues with my ex's parents, even my bf's parents, on the way I look, or whether I can cook, or keep the house, or how "fertile" I am based on my genes and family background. It was always my ex's who had issues with me for being not as good looking, or not as tall, or not as elegant, or not as voluptuous, etc.

I used to feel rather down when the guy I was with had issues over what I look like, when the fact is there was nothing else I could do about it save for makeup and grooming, unless I go for a major plastic surgery. Now, anyone with any issues over what I look like and how I dress, I always tell them to take a look at themselves in the mirror first before giving their two cents' worth.

Einna said...

parents always think their children's partners are never good enough for their kids... but i think not all potential parents in law are obsessive with the way their kids' partners look; but more on mannerism & personality? having said that, a stereotypical expectation has always been set before the meetup... that they must be pleasant looking since they managed to steal their dotter/son's heart? what they dont realise it as you said and a matter of fact, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder! Hence I agree with you to lower their expectation regardless how true it is. lol!

Julie Lim said...


I know of a guy who only wants to date pretty girls. All his relationships fizzled out cause he not only has a rotten character, but he is fat, bald and ugly.

So it's good that you tell all these idiotic buggers to go look in the mirror whenever they pass judgement on your looks!

Your story reminds me of the song 'Beautiful' by Cristina Aguilera. One part of the lyrics goes like this:

"I am beautiful no matter what they say,
Words can't bring me down,
I am beautiful in every single way,
Yes, words can't bring me down,
So don't you bring me down today"

Cheers to women everywhere!

Julie Lim said...


It's true that not all parents have stereotypical expectations of their daughter's/son's partner. I personally know of parents who embrace their daughter's/son's lover like their own child upon first contact.

Well I hope I won't have to meet parents-in-law from hell in my lifetime! And that's why I always tell my mum how lucky she is caused she married an orphan, LOL!

marbles said...

Dear Julie,
My tot on your last para:
For those who are good looking, thank god with what you have been blessed with; for those who are not, count the blessing cause you are unique! Cheers to all wonderful ladies :)

Julie Lim said...


That's a politically correct way to say it! Thanks! :-)

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